patrick jane forums

I was wondering this about others today. I’m Closest to an open view because I chose to try and strip as close to bare bones as I could when I came back to God. I wanted to learn as if I knew nothing except basic morality, and the Love of God through Christ and the Spirit. Because everything the local churches had been (while I ran from God) was more biased toward politics and focusing more on condemnation of others, than it was about showing others how to come to Christ. I’m really in the beginning stages of learning and most of my study is on my own while I pray to understand necessary passages in God’s own time. I also study on another forum that I like because there are a variety of different viewpoints presented and I feel that it reminds me to cut my own bias and assumptions from my studies.



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It's a long story with me and not easy to explain. I'm 61 and I've been to so many churches in my life, some by force and others by choice. So I've seen and experienced a lot that way. It was a definite learning curve.

As a child I felt extremely close to God and I attended church regularly, a Baptist church. But it wasn't in the church that I learned about God and felt close to him. I would take walks in the woods and sit and watch and listen. One time there were rays of sunlight streaming down through the trees. It was really beautiful. I put my hands into the stream of sunlight and it was like connecting with God and I could actually feel that energy and I smiled thinking, how great you are making such beautiful things. And for me the woods were like a Cathedral where I really felt God's presence and the beauty all around me and the animals, some of which would come up to me and let me touch them. It was my sanctuary. I felt God's love just like a loving Father. If I was sad, he would comfort me. If I was afraid, he made me feel safe. If I asked questions, it was like he had a way of answering them somehow. I don't 'mean he spoke out loud or anything but it was an inward voice. He was always reassuring me.

But as I grew older, I lost that kind of close connection. The expectations of the churches I went to with their guidelines for membership and things I was expected to do and believe and the doctrines just seemed to build a wall between me and God.

Anyway, at this point in my life, I try to draw close to God like I did when I was a child. It's hard to really listen the same way now as I did then because I was changed so much in churches and things got in the way. But there are still times when I can hear him speaking to me inside when I really listen. I know that one day I will once again have and feel that close connection with God. I look forward to that. I still think of God as a loving Father and I cherish those memories I had as a child with childlike faith when there was nothing to interfere with that.